录取宾大M&T在申请季会经历怎样的自我认知？

Published by jsjjyuxi on 2018年7月29日

这是一篇全英文的申请分享，由录取宾大M&T工程的乔甲鱼同学所写。不过不用担心，我们的另一位贴心学员已经帮大家翻译成了中文。大家可以自由选择语言，来体会乔甲鱼同学（化名）的申请季所经历的自我认知历程。

英文版

“There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says ‘Morning, boys. How's the water?’ And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes ‘What the hell is water?’”

1. Books

The quote above introduces one of my favorite speeches, delivered by David Foster Wallace in Kenyon College in 2005. It is, perhaps, a great representation of what I have gotten out of my Groton education and the whole college process – awareness of and appreciation towards who I am and my surroundings.

The first book I read at Groton was This Boy’s Life by Tobias Wolff, which recounted his escapes and struggles to find his identity. The book stuck with me for a very long time, and although I couldn’t tell at the time, it foreshadowed my own struggles to establish my own self (although not as dramatic as Wolff’s experience) throughout my Groton career.

I encountered one of my favorite books during the winter semester of my senior year, when our class read To the Lighthouse. It was a difficult book to read, and I was most grateful that I was able to discuss it with a group. The book taught me much about beauty, hope, truth, and have inspired me to find my own meaning in life. Here’s one of my favorite parts in the book:

“What is the meaning of life? That was all- a simple question; one that tended to close in on one with years, the great revelation had never come. The great revelation perhaps never did come. Instead, there were little daily miracles, illuminations, matches struck unexpectedly in the dark; here was one.”

This quote was used in my Princeton essay, and it remains written, to this date, on the first page of my journal. This is something I hope to keep in mind of – to cherish these little sparkles that life has granted me.

2. Sports

I started running cross country in my ninth grade year. I disliked it at first – I hated the pain and stress that came along with the races, which I sometimes had to deal with on top of 2-hour sleep (yep I have a terrible sleeping schedule). Nevertheless I managed to stick with the sport for four years, partly because I wasn’t bad at it and partly because I was afraid to try something else new. Gradually through the Sunday recovery runs along the Nashua River I started bonding with my running buddies, and running, too, has become a stress-relief mechanism for me. It made me happier and focus on my school work better, so I kept going. Last November I attempted my first half marathon; this February I finished another with a friend.

Here’s a quote from Bojack Horseman about running: “Bojack, when you get sad, you run straight ahead and you keep running forward, no matter what. There are people in your life who are gonna try to hold you back, slow you down, but you don’t let them. Don’t you stop running and don’t you ever look behind you. There’s nothing for you behind you. All that exists is what’s ahead.”

The quote seems to explain why I have enjoyed this sport so much. Running made me feel like I was going forward, that I was looking ahead and getting somewhere. This sense of purpose, coupled with good conversations and beautiful rural sceneries at Groton, always made me feel present and reassured in my direction.

Aside from cross country, tennis has been an important sport to me since little. Like running, it has also taught me to bond with others, to be confident in myself, and to work towards a set goal, one point at a time.

3. The People

“Groton is about the people” – I’ve heard that so many times during morning chapel talks all four years at Groton that I am sick of it, but to a large extent it’s true. My high school career has been defined by my teachers and fellow classmates, and now having gone through Groton, I think I can tell you what a good connection, a good conversation with others feels like. It’s like arguing about astrology in the dining hall, yelling on top of each other. Running along the Nash. Finishing a book with a friend and going on talking about it for hours. Hearing a friend performing Liszt for the twentieth time on her senior recital but somehow still touched by it. Gossiping with Mr. Whiteman about his love life during Saturday night check-ins. Mr. Creamer writing to you after graduation saying that your words to him “help to make his work worth it”. Stuff like that.

I also made some connections outside of school. Last summer I went to a research camp in Texas Tech, where I met twelve other similar-minded students doing research in different areas. It was so great being part of such an intimate group and learning the different subjects that people were passionate about. In my tenth grade summer I met some of my best friends through a mathematics program at Ohio State University. We went on a graduation trip together this June, and one night at 3AM, as we were lying there on the bed, still talking, we all started reflecting upon our high school career. There were regrets – it was with a strange consensus that we all wished that rather than being so stressed-out and so “unaware” of what was around during the past four years, we could’ve spent more time reading, trying out new activities, and getting to know more friends, teachers. Those things, rather than grades and reports, are the ones that stick in my memories and that define me.

4. The College Process

So perhaps the college process, for me, was something that brought all of these aspects together – my love for books, sports, and the people surrounding me – and it was through answering all the tedious questions regarding my activities on the college application that made me thought of what running, tennis, music, and reading have all meant to me. After four years of seeking, I finally started to answer the questions about who I am, and although they were not perfect, these were the first answers I had written down, turning into my college essays, my interview responses, and my perception of myself. For that reason I am extremely grateful for my counselor Jason and for my friends through Groton, Ross, Clark Scholars, and Ivyuan, who helped me realize these passions and sculpted who I am today.

I would like to end this essay with the end of that same speech by David Foster Wallace:

“The capital-T Truth is about life before death.It is about the real value of a real education, which has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness; awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, all the time, that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over:

‘This is water.’

It is unimaginably hard to do this, to stay conscious and alive in the adult world day in and day out. Which means yet another grand cliché turns out to be true: your education really is the job of a lifetime. And it commences: now.”

I really hope this kind of awareness of ourselves and of our surroundings, despite all its changing nature, will remain – and that’s what my four years in high school and the college process have taught me.

中文版

“两条年轻的鱼儿顺流而下，与一只逆行向上的老鱼不期而遇。老鱼点头致意，并问道：‘早上好，年轻人。水感觉怎么样？’两条年轻的鱼儿游了游，终于其中一条转过头来，说道：‘水是什么鬼东西？’”

1. 书籍

以上文字摘自David Foster Wallace 2005年在Kenyon College的发言，是我最爱的演讲之一。它大概很好地诠释了我自Groton的教育、自整个大学申请过程的所获：对“我之所以为我“和对我身边种种人和事的明悟与欣赏。

我在Groton读过的第一本书是Tobias Wolff的This Boy’s Life，讲述了作者在追寻自我的途中的种种逃避与挣扎。在此后漫长的时间里，这本书都潜移默化地影响着我。那时的我还不知道，它其实预示了我在Groton寻找自我的岁月中同样坎坷的路途（虽然不比Wolff自己的经历那样跌宕起伏）。

在十二年级的冬天，我们课上组织阅读To the Lighthouse——又是一本令我爱极了的书。书写得非常的艰深晦涩，因此我很庆幸我是与一众人一起探讨它。关于美、希望、真理，它教了我许多，也鼓舞了我去寻找我人生的意义。以下是书中我最喜欢的片段之一：

“人生的意义是什么？这就是问题的全部。一个简单的问题。一个随着岁月流逝，不断逼近的问题。只是该来的大彻大悟却从未曾来过。或许那大彻大悟永远都不会来。反而日常中有着许许多多的奇迹与光彩，宛如黑暗中不经意被擦燃的火柴；这儿就有一个。”

我在Princeton的文书里也曾引用过这段话。而时至今日，它也依然被我写在日记的第一页。我希望能铭记其中的领悟 –珍惜我生命中所有微小的花火。

Summer

Sunshine

2. 体育

我从九年级起开始跑越野长跑（cross country）。本来，我是拒绝的。我对一次又一次比赛带来的伤痛和压力感到深恶痛绝，遑论往往只能睡2小时（当然我蛋疼的睡眠习惯也要背一部分锅）。但无论如何，四年越野长跑我还是撑下来了，一方面因为我跑得还不赖，另一方面因为我也不太敢尝试其他的新事物。渐渐地，在周日沿着Nashua河岸的放松跑中，我和我的跑友们结下了革命友谊，而跑步本身也演变成了我减压的方式。它让我更快乐、更能专注于功课，因此我也坚持了下去。去年十一月，我尝试了第一个半程马拉松。今年二月，我和朋友跑完了另一个。

以下是马男波杰克中关于跑步的台词：“波杰克。当你忧伤的时候，就朝着前方直直地跑，一直跑下去，不顾一切。这一生中总有人会想拉住你，拖住你的脚步，但千万别让他们得逞。永远不要停止奔跑，更不要回头看。你的身后空无一切。唯有在你前方的才是真实存在的。”

这段话解释了我为何如此爱体育。跑步让我感受到我在向前行走、我在看向前方、在抵达一个新的地方。这种方向感，加上那些在Groton 所有美好的对话、所有美好的田野景致，总是让我明确感知：我真切地活在现世；总让我重拾方向。

除开跑步，网球也是一项自小就对我很重要的运动。就像跑步一样，它教我要同他人紧紧相连、要对自己充满信心、要一步一个脚印地定下目标再去完成。

3. 人

“Groton最重要的就是它这里的人。”在早上的教堂谈话中，我一次又一次听到这样的话语。我的老师和同学们造就了我的高中生涯。而通过我在Groton的经历，我想我也能够告诉你一段好的关系、一番好的对话应该是怎样的。它应该是在食堂里大呼小叫地研讨占星术；在Nash河畔奔跑；在读完一本书后与朋友促膝长谈；在朋友的毕业音乐会上第二十次听她奏响李斯特，却依旧能为之感动；在星期六晚上签到时，同我的老师Whiteman八卦他的罗曼史；在毕业后，Creamer老师谈到我对他的寄语如何“让他感到一切的辛苦都是值得的”。诸如此类。

在学校之外，我同样也结下了不少友谊。上个夏天，我去Texas Tech参加一个研究性夏校，便认识了十二个和我拥有相似灵魂的同学，尽管我们从事着不同方向的研究。我很幸运能加入那样亲密无间的一个团体，了解他人所热衷的种种的科目。在十年级的夏天，通过参加Ross数学夏令营，我也结识了许多很好的朋友。今年六月，我们还在一起度过毕业旅行。有天晚上，凌晨3点，当我们都在开卧谈会时，我们开始回顾各自的高中历程。有后悔—我们在某个观点上鬼畜地一致：回头看过去的四年，我们都认为我们该更多地阅读，更多地尝试新鲜的活动，以及去认识更多的朋友和老师，而非每天都承受着巨大的压力，对周围发生的一切一无所知。这些才是最终被铭刻在我们记忆中、定义我们的事情，而非成绩和报告。

4. 大学申请过程

所以，与我而言，大学申请的过程或许是所有这些经历的一种集合—我对书、对体育、对我身边人的热爱—而通过回答申请中各种各样关于活动的乏味的问题，我也得以反思跑步、网球、音乐与阅读于我的意义。历经四年的追索，我终于开始了解答“我是谁”这个问题。尽管还不算完善，这些却是我首次写下的答案。它们又随后演变成了我的申请文书、面试回答和我对我自己的认知。因此，我也十分感谢我的顾问Jason和我在Groton、Ross、Clark Scholars和常青汇认识的朋友们。他们使我认识到我的热情所在，也恒久地雕塑了现在的我。

我想以David Foster Wallace在开头的同一篇演讲来结束这篇文章：

“大写的‘真相’是关于死亡之前的人生。它是关于一个真正的教育的真正的价值。这种教育最与一种朴素的觉悟有关，而几乎与知识无关。这是一种关于什么才是真实的、什么才是最重要的的觉悟。它一直以来被深埋在我们身旁平凡的景致中。我们因此需要一遍又一遍提醒自己：

‘这就是水。’

在成人的世界里进退之间保持着清醒、保证自己还真正活着，并不是件难于登天的事。这也意味着，某个老生常谈的话其实字字玑珠：你的教育真的是一项一生的事业。而它从现在便开始。”

我真的希望这样的一种对自我、对身旁一切的清醒认知会留在我心里，就算它也会历经种种改变。而这就是高中四年和大学申请所教会我的。

END

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